Spontaneous Post

What could I be doing?

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Mowing the lawn?

I don’t mow the lawn that often.  A) I don’t have a lot of time while I’m at the location where the lawn is to be mowed. B) It (in my opinion) unnecessarily uses gasoline for what result …. make the area look pretty? C) Who the “F” am I making this area pretty for?  Certainly isn’t me.  I couldn’t care less.  It’s those other people (pssst … that I also don’t care about) and maybe property value.  That I do kind of worry about.  But not to the point of permanent drop in property value.  The guy across the street and next to me mow all the time.  Like multiple times in a week.  But let me tell you, when it gets hot and their lawn is brown from water starvation, mine is long and … slightly less brown.  It lives better.  And speaking of living, D) the local wildlife love long grass.  I saw rabbits a plenty, a fox (Man I wish I could have got a picture of that.  It was right next to my mailbox, but it was 11pm and dark and I only saw it with the headlights of my car as it picked up it’s head and turned tail), and lightning bugs (or fireflies for you commies).  Light pollution is killing lightning bugs and also our children’s sense of wonder about space.  Can’t see nuttin’ out there.

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Doing Laundry?

Yeah … everybody has stinky, dirty clothes to wash every once in a while.  Gotta make that trip down to the crick.

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General Clean up around the house?

This is job for a couple of sticks of dynamite, assuming they only obliterated things I didn’t want.  So much random toys, clothes that aren’t mine …. you know that old saying, “A place for everything, and everything in its place”.  That is garbage.  Nothing has a place anywhere except the space it is currently occupying.  I need that dynamite.

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Watch TV?

What passes for entertainment on the rectangle box of death is laughable.  Nothing is actually entertaining.  All it does is make me sigh and doubt how humans exist at all.  The genre of reality TV is a plague on society.  It is the equivalent of being in the 1600s and watching a public execution, except that it’s constantly happening.  Anyone who thinks “reality TV” is actually reality is an idiot.  This is the only redeeming quality of reality TV: It’ll help us sort out the fucktards from normal people.

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Play Video games?

At least it’s an escape into a another world not full of reality TV loving fools.  Great, now I’m stuck on that.

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Read a book?

Unfortunately for me, this requires complete silence (which never happens).  My attention also wonders and I frequently have to re-read pages.  Quite annoying.  I prefer audio books.

What indeed, could I be doing?  I went a little GIF crazy.  Not in the future.  Eats at my free WordPress space.

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Wakey Wakey …

You know that thing that messes with your psyche when you are at your most peaceful?  That thing that jerks you away from the only time in your life in which your body can actually recharge/heal itself and continue living?  It’s the most diabolical device that humans have ever created (Please don’t comment on the fact that there are clearly more evil human inventions like atomic bombs, etc).  The one (of many) thing(s) that humans cannot live without and this ticking bomb bides it’s time, for hours, until you are at your most vulnerable.  And WHAM !!! Listen To Me !!! Stop What You Are Doing And Acknowledge My Presence !!!

What a terrible device the alarm clock is.  I have two of the most harrowing stories in regards to this doomsday device that you, possibly thankfully, will not be able to sleep.

[Insert Law & Order Dun-Dun Sound Here]

[Interior; Bedroom]

Our protagonist lays on a bed, on his/her side as they gently open their eyes to stare in the cold dead glow of a red 7-segment display of the current time.  The time is one minute, possibly only a few seconds, before this death machine whines it’s terrible battle-cry.  The protagonist feels relaxed and refreshed, almost like they actual got a full night sleep with multiple cycles of REM sleep completed.  Then the display changes.  Loud, ear-splitting noise fills the once quiet room.  Satan himself laughs as the once serene person instantly forms a headache in their now throbbing cranium.  Dizziness and confusion befall our hero as they extend a pitiful, weak arm towards the insidious device.  He/She manages to squelch the instrument of pain but the aftereffects remain … for hours later as they try to manage their day.

Yes, that’s right.  This “helpful” tool actually caused the the symptoms of sleeplessness even a normal, rested human.  It’s mere programmed voice caused the feelings of anxiety.  How do I wish this thing could not be necessary.

[Insert Law & Order Dun-Dun Sound Here]

[Interior; Another Bedroom]

The door slams open as our hero stumbles in from a night of work.  He/She fiddles with the scream-machine in order to set it to a preordained moment and immediately passes out due to exhaustion.  Time passes.  3 minutes later, the Angel of Turmoil bangs his gong of audio warfare in this pitiful specimen of a human’s ear.  Why Angel of Turmoil ?!?!  Why hast thou inflict wounds on such a creature that does not deserve such indignation.

Terrible invention, the time piece.  Only two events are prominent on this lump of rock we call home, sunrise and sunset.

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Adventures in Hot Sauce: Tabasco®

In the first (and hopefully many) installments of Adventures in Hot Sauce, we discuss the most notable and recognized brand throughout the United States (I wouldn’t know about other countries because I’m not a worldly person): Tabasco® brand Pepper Sauce.

Tabasco® Brand Pepper Sauce

But first, we need to define what I call a “hot sauce” since this is the first post.  Merriam-Webster defines hot sauce as “a pungent condiment sauce made from hot peppers”.  The word pungent, to me, has a negative connotation to it.  The word “sharp” litters the definition of pungent.  Hot sauce doesn’t need to be “sharp”.  Sure, you can get those sauces that even if you get too close, it stings the olfactory senses and permeates to behind your eyeballs.  But some have a smooth aroma to them.  So, by that particular part of the definition, I disagree.  As for the word “condiment”, I agree.  “Hot sauces” that claim to be glazes or additives (due to heir high-capsaicin level), I do not claim to be under the hot sauce banner.  A sauce should be added at the moment before consumption, or cooked into the main product in which you are consuming.  So don’t try and get me to review a 16mil Scoville rated, pure capsaicin crystal additive.  I will not do it.  And lastly, the hot peppers.  I don’t care if the hot sauce has peppers in it or not, just as long as it registers on the Scoville scale.  In which, the hot sauce needs to have some capsaicin in it, which I believe only comes from plants of the genus Capsicum.  I guess if the capsaicin was chemically extracted or synthetically made and then added to a sauce without peppers, that would be OK with me.  Purists begin your hissing and booing now.  Now, on to the main event.  If you are keeping score, we are adventuring into Tabasco®s original red pepper sauce.

Remember that video from a Super Bowl 20 years ago?  I hate to say it, but I think the marketing worked on me.  I wanted to try some Tabasco® and when I did, my usage of hot sauces expanded over the next couple of years.  Now from what I remember back in those days about Tabasco®’s taste, it had a pleasant bite to it and gave a nice kick to most foods you added it to.  Eggs, meat, vegetables, soup, anything really (except for things like candy or alcohol … I’m looking at you Sriracha).  Since that time, 20 years ago, I have tried numerous other sauces, but had more recently come back to the old staple.  My humble beginnings.  Unfortunately, it’s not at all like I remembered it.

I’m sure over the past 20 years, my taste buds have changed.  But the taste had changed so much in my brain that I actually looked on the internet for a possible explanation.  Did someone else register this change and voice it?  Was there a situation similar to the “New Coke” and “Coke Classic” fiasco that I missed in my time away from Tabasco®?  I couldn’t find anything.  Granted it was only about 10 minutes of searching, but that should be enough to register something this important, right?  I can hear you saying,
“Well, get on with it you damn fool !!  What did it taste like?  How was it different?”  The Tabasco® that I tasted today seemed, quite vinegary.  Now I know that one of the main ingredients is vinegar and that I should expect to taste vinegar.  But this taste was way too overpowering.  I could taste very little else.  Then I thought, OK, maybe this particular bottle was different.  Was it sitting on the shelf at the grocery store too long in direct sunlight?  Something had to explain it.  But the same taste existed in another bottle.  Maybe it’s been there the entire time and I just didn’t care or notice 20 years ago.  Some people on the internet mentioned that the taste has been the same since the beginning.  So my only conclusion is as I mentioned, I have changed my tastes.

Sorry to say to the Tabasco® family, but I’ve moved on.  Perhaps in the future I will come back.  But as for right now, that overwhelming (to me) vinegar taste is not for me.  I am grateful for the start that you gave me in giving my taste a bit of zing and prepping me for the future I currently enjoy.  You will not be forgotten.

Rating: Emojione_1F336smallEmojione_1F336small of 5

When It Rains …

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… you get water in your eye.  Happens every time.  I slipped back into that state of not-giving-a-rats-patoot for this “daily” thing that I promised I’d do.  But there are reasons.  We had a holiday (*note for later about holidays) and I got sick.  Wrenching vomit from my empty stomach causing muscle pain in the rib area.  Not fun when moving around today.

See that above?  That’s what I wrote …. months ago.  I really don’t care about this daily thing.  I don’t even remember what the “*note” was for.  I don’t remember getting sick either.  Clearly not a real important time.  Maybe that’s what this blog is for: reminder of those not-so-important-but-funny-to-look-back-on moments.  Well here is some not-so-funny things.

I have a plugged up ear.  I was on a plane flight and my left ear got all stuffed up and I couldn’t free it up.  It’s been over a week now and it’s still plugged.  Went to the doctor and got nose sprays and antibiotics.  But that’s not the interesting part (Spoiler.  There is no interesting part).  This is about the feeling of having that ear plugged up.

I really wonder if this is how deaf people feel.  Especially those that have lost their hearing as opposed to never had it to begin with.  At first, it’s not that annoying.  It just feels like you have water or something in your ear that you can’t shake out.  Days of that “Man I wish this would just open up already” feeling.  (Quick note, My ear is starting to hurt now … of course).

Next there was the deafening (pun intended) sound of silence in that ear.  You know.  When the room you’re in is completely silent and there’s that moderately pitched hum sound.  Kind of what you get from an idle stereo speaker that’s powered and cranked up, but no sound is coming out.  Or maybe a low hum of a florescent light.  I can see you laughing thru the screen that your read this on.  How can be in a completely silent room.  Ha !!! And you are right.  I actually caught myself when that happened and said (not out loud of course) “OMG, silence !!! This is it.  What do I do?”  Good for a novelty moment, but the annoyance of the plugged ear was building.

The final step that made me see a doctor was that my entire left side of my face seemed … puffy and warmer than it should be.  It wasn’t.  Confirmed with doctor.  It’s mental.  I was driving with the window open and getting a good breeze, but it was similar to wind hitting a brick wall and not penetrating like a soothing wind gust should on a warm spring day.  Then I started to get a claustrophobic feeling.  My left side of my face was closed off from the rest of the world and was only clinging on to reality thru the center and right side of my head.  That’s what I afraid of.  That “unable to free myself” feeling similar to claustrophobia.

Well … now I’m gonna free myself … with prescription medications prescribed by a medical professional.  Hopefully it works quick.  Doctor didn’t seem concerned.  Neither am I, really.  The feeling of being trapped in my left side of my face was quick and fleeting.  It’s just mostly annoying.

Foreshadowing Note: I’m gonna go on not-so-long limb here and say that as I get older, the more I complain about medical situations.  That’s what old people do, right?  Well let’s squash that in the kneecap right now and promise that the next article will be more complaining about other people, or maybe something fun.  I need to look back at the footnotes from the previous articles for ideas.

The Squeaky Wheel …

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So I got a glimpse, sort of, of what other people are like in their families.  We were gearing up for setting up classes for my son, who’s going into high school.  The was a parent’s meeting and not a lot of people showed.  Maybe about 20% of the students were represented.  I went because I had no clue how things worked, not only in the state I currently live in, but the school itself.  I grew up in the city, going to catholic school almost my entire academic career.  Most things were laid directly in front of me and very little “choice” was begotten.  This is stark contrast to now, in a different state, in the sticks, in a public school.  The school counselor, who made the presentation, really made things seem like, “OK, you all know how this goes.  Here are the changes.  These are required classes.  You can go to the tech center in your junior and senior year.  You need two job shadowing efforts.”  Whoa whoa whoa !!!  What is the tech center?  You need to job shadow someone?  My son doesn’t know anything right now.  A lot can change in 2-3 years.  My son is that kid at the state school that when asked what his major is, he says, “Undeclared.”  I didn’t even know a tech center was a thing, let alone the programs they offer.  How could I possibly know if any of the programs are appropriate?  It now becomes clear to me what the meeting was for.

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So they had a sheet to fill out.  Granted it’s a dynamic document for you to fill out the classes your student will be taking for the next 4 years of high school.  The next 4 years !!  I don’t know how the weekend or tomorrow are gonna pan out, let alone 4 years for my son.  They said to start at senior year and work backwards.  This made no sense to me, especially since the target in 4 years was completely unknown.  Don’t know which college, if college at all.  Or even what field.  Well, this sheet, a number of kids/parents had completely filled out with numerous different options.  Like I mentioned before, it now dawns on me that this meeting was to help prepare those that already are hyper-prepared.  That other 80% of kids parents not there, are the “We don’t know what the f!ck is gonna happen” people.  We got at least what his freshman year is gonna be like.  Filled with required classes to graduate.  Sophomore year is basically like that too.  So hopefully in 2 years, we’ll be more focus on …. well … something.

It’s also important to note that this 1 hour meeting took 1 hour and 45 minutes.  And that I went by myself without my spouse or my son as they had previous activities.  We don’t have the time to think about this stuff.  I got home with my youngest already in bed, asleep at 8:30.  I had cereal for dinner.  Spent about 20-30 minutes with my son and spouse after they got home to try and think of something on this sheet.  And then I went to bed.  No time for anything, including that outside work that I needed to do in the rain that I mentioned in the last post.  Fun to note that it wasn’t raining at the time.

Always Comes Down to …

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Nothing new from yesterday other than the sugar fiasco.  Even then it’s not really cleaned up all the way.  How do you clean up sugar granules that have run all over the place?  That puts me on to another topic: “Spare” time.

I know what’s really required to clean up the sugar mess, it’s remove every single thing that could have potentially gotten sugar on it and “clean it” and then clean that surface the item was sitting on.  That is a multi-hour job.  At least 3 for where the dump happened.  Multiple shelves.  Multiple packaged food items.  Removing and “cleaning” each would take so long, I literally couldn’t do anything else.  My schedule doesn’t allow for such things.  I can hear you already … “Hey !!! Do it now instead of writing in your stupid blog, you piece of garbage liar !!”  Well in your face !!! I can’t.  I’m miles (kilometers) away from the sugar tragedy and I can’t be there.  When I’m in that vicinity, my time is taken and higher priority items take precedent.  The only thing I could sacrifice is sleep and why would I do that.  It’s the only thing that keeps me from succumbing to illness or driving off the edge of a cliff during the work commute or sleeping at work and getting fired and not having money to buy sugar or pay for a house to store the sugar in.  So in YOUR face !!  It’ll get done eventually.  Just not right away.

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Side note:  Do you ever notice, that when you need to do something, there always comes a barrier to you completing that task?  The sugar cleanup is one example.  I also gotta do some work outside, and the day that I planned to do it (today), it rains.  It hasn’t rained in I don’t know how long.  Such is life, right?  The wet, sugar, illness, sleep-deprived train keeps rolling on and on.  No stopping.  Always blowing it’s deafening whistle.  That whistle that pierces the ear drum and makes you open your jaw to dull the pain.  You know that pain.

Failure – Multi-level

Well … day 2 and I already failed to keep up the “daily” post.  It was the weekend, so it really shouldn’t count too much.

Over the weekend, not only did I feel like garbage, but I had to drive for a total of 5 hours in one day.  It was a struggle.  We went to a charity event and of course, while we were there, my daughter’s jacket got left behind.  Which boggles my mind as her jacket was in my possession until, from what I can guess, I walked outside and then it “blew away”.  I did call the place today and found out they have it and they are sending it to me which is nice, but the fact remains that I’m not good at keeping track of stuff especially if it’s not mine.  I get super upset at myself because of it and I lash out at others.  Sucks.

The next level of failure happened this morning.  Through only my own fault, I left a glass canister of sugar and flour out.  Well, I went to put them back where they belong, as I was pissed at myself for leaving it out, and the sugar one broke.  Sugar and glass all over the place.  Mind you this is at 6:00am on a weekday as I’m trying to get kids up and around.  I leave no extra time in the morning schedule for such issues.  Yet, I tried to clean up all the glass and sugar.  Sugar poured into open boxes of food.  On top of bags of potatoes.  All over.  I had to throw a lot of good food away as I’m no sure if there was glass in it.  What a delight.  My two favorite things: large messes and wasting money.  Man was I pissed at everything.  It’s been hours later and I’m still pissed.  And I still feel like sh!t.

Speaking of that, it’s been days that I’ve felt like garbage.  How do I get rid of this?  I wiped my workstation down with a bleach wipe to get rid of anything, but my head still feels loose and wobbly.  Doesn’t help that I didn’t eat a breakfast at all today due to the sugar-fiasco.  And only having coffee is complicating the matter.  I think I said this before that all drugs, caffeine and alcohol, give me such headaches.  I don’t know why I do this to myself.  Hopefully tonight/tomorrow will be better.  I doubt it.

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